It’s easy to become attached to the “success” – things achieved. Easy to become attached to the stories that people say about you – “you’re gonna be a star, you need this big name and this big thing, you deserve it, you have the touch, you got it.” – stories you now believe. Easy to forget yourself without these things. These things become you… and when the wave is down, because all currents have a flow, and seasons come and go, and every dog has its day – you get it. When that day comes you start to forget that you are not the things.
Your mom gets sick and you want to tell her, “Mom I booked that job!” You haven’t said that in a while… So you stare at your phone and forget to do anything else, like live.
You find a girl who tells you, “you are enough, you are all the good news she needs, not some job.”
This is me saying, “You were right – I am enough.”
Not the job, but me. I am all the good news anyone needs to hear or see.
The other thing was an excuse to think (once again) “I am not enough”…
“All our suffering is because we all want to put something into the world … to prove we did it right and/or are enough.”
I can now say (and I might need a reminder here and there) I am enough. It’s not the checks that roll in, not the acting jobs, not the scripts sold and made, not the documentaries, not the PH.d’s in Switzerland, the online bios & accolades; it’s me, muah, yo, I, it’s Joy- a joy which comes only from one being about self and not about accomplishments. Self and not accomplishments. Self that was always there. Self that will be the last thing there.
I am enough. Me and not the things I do. Me and not the things. Not the things, not the things, the Self to which things happen, come and go, and pass by. The Self which remains joyous before, during, and after all the things.
– Christopher Rivas